Have you ever been on the receiving end of ‘mean girl’ behavior at work? Or perhaps you’ve witnessed the silent sabotage that leaves women feeling unsupported and undervalued. It’s time to break this toxic cycle and start empowering one another. This month, I’m highlighting key lessons from my book Mean Girl No More to encourage a shift from competition to camaraderie.
Early in my career, I experienced firsthand what it feels like to be excluded and sabotaged by colleagues. The coldness, the subtle undermining, the sense of walking on eggshells every day—it wasn’t just draining, it was isolating. I quickly realized this wasn’t just me. Many women that enter the work world, from those just starting their career to the C-Suite and all the way up to the boardroom, are familiar with this toxic cycle. But we can change it.
In Mean Girl No More, I talk about the ‘crab pot’ mentality—how sometimes women unintentionally pull each other down instead of lifting each other up.
One of the stories from Mean Girl No More by Cari Forrest
I landed my dream job in education as a support staff. I supported six coordinators, and the work was challenging but fun. Everything was great for the first couple of years, but that changed when I decided I wanted more. I began taking professional development courses, and my director encouraged me to pursue further training. That’s when I found IAAP and began soaring. I did research and presented my goals, and my superiors were excited to support me in getting certified.
As I leveled up my skills, other departments took notice—and so did my peers. No other support staff had ever attended conferences or been invited to decision-making tables. I was breaking new ground, and my superiors shared my progress and encouraged others to do the same. But instead of camaraderie, I faced coldness. Whispers, isolation, and the attitude that I “needed to remember my place” became the norm.
Despite inviting others to join me, the Mean Girl behavior intensified, especially after I was promoted to support the director and assistant director. Eventually, I became completely isolated, and after reporting the issues to no avail, I resigned.
Writing this still stirs emotions, even after seven years, but I refuse to play the victim. When I heard Peggy was writing a book on these experiences, I knew I had to be part of the project. We need to lift each other up and be proud of others’ success. There’s room for all of us to shine!
Quote from Mean Girl No More:
The world is big enough for all of us to be successful. when we come together as women, we can become more powerful than we ever could alone.
Are you ready to break free from the mean girl cycle?
I challenge you to think about how you can create more space for collaboration and support in your professional and personal life.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Email me to share your thoughts on fostering more supportive, empowering workplaces. I’d love to hear from you.
Actionable Tips:
We don’t have to stay stuck in this toxic cycle. While we can’t control others’ actions, we can control how we respond—with professionalism, strength, and by seeking support from those who lift us up.
Lastly, I want to highlight the need for us as women to change the narrative—by supporting one another instead of competing. When we work together, we create a powerful, positive environment where everyone can thrive.
Here’s how:
- Be Inclusive: Make a conscious effort to include all colleagues, particularly new team members, whether it’s lunch plans or meetings.
- Celebrate Others’ Successes: Instead of feeling threatened, use a co-worker’s success as an opportunity to offer genuine congratulations and reflect on what you can learn from their achievement.
- Offer Help, Not Competition: When a colleague struggles, offer your support, resources, or expertise rather than viewing it as a chance to shine at their expense.
Mean Girl No More Testimonial
“The author’s intention and passion are apparent throughout the book. Peggy wants to change the way women relate to each other and work together. Don’t look here for ammo “against” anyone, but for meaningful, positive things you can do to change the effect they have on you and your future. Moreover, the book gently guides you to self-reflection. I saw myself on both sides of this behavior struggle. The book was more than a good read, it was a journey. It’s time to get real about this topic. Mean Girl No More is a great place to start.”- Melissa Esquibel
I encourage you to get your Mean Girl No More copy today and start making a difference. You can order from Amazon or email me at peggy@peggyvasquez.net to order an autographed copy.
Tips You Can Use:
This is a short summary of a recent interview with Sunny Nunan from BEACON and the Admin Awards
Q: Why did you write the book?
A: This book was genuinely crying out to be written. I had so many years of experience dealing with a Mean Girl, and I learned so many lessons and a few victories along the way. I wanted to share those with my readers to help them on their journey. My biggest goal in writing the book is to invite the reader, men or women, to help shift the culture from sabotage to support.
Q: How do you define Mean Girl behavior?
A: Mean Girl behavior is when someone sets you up to fail. It’s when you are sabotaged. When someone has left you out of the loop on vital information that could help you be successful, it’s also when you are deliberately left off the invitation list from a social function. It’s the classic behavior that started happening in grade school and continued into high school, college, and the boardroom. It’s the exact opposite of having a supporting environment where you can thrive.
Q: What do you think is behind Mean Girl behavior?
A: I think it’s all about fear. Most mean girls are overcompensating for their fear of not being good enough or of not being in control. They’ve learned to cope with that fear and doubt by causing others to have fear and doubt. When they engage in this behavior, it makes them feel powerful and in control.
Q: Let’s talk about the importance of an Inner Circle. Why do you believe this is critical?
A: When you have a supportive group and inner circle of women who genuinely have your back, you not only have a shoulder to cry on but, more importantly, shoulders to lift you up! An inner circle will listen and provide wisdom to help you on your journey. You can trust them to keep things confidential and brainstorm ways to deal with your situation. And they’ll also share their own experiences with you. You’ll find that you aren’t alone. And because of this, you’ll know that you don’t need to fall into the victim mindset but instead rise victorious over it.
Q: I love what you say about the power of Admins uniting and coming together. Can you tell us more about that?
A: When you work in an organization with a collaborative and supportive culture, here’s what you see. It’s about catching someone doing something right, celebrating it, and sharing it with others. It’s a simple email to a manager to let them know you saw their assistant doing a fabulous job and share the details so they get the whole picture.
When this behavior becomes the norm, look out because when a group of administrative assistants have each other’s back and help each other with Mean Girl behavior and their skills and opportunities. Management will know that you are tight instead of the opposite. I’ve had so many managers come to me to ask for my help with petty behavior between a few admins, which gives our profession a bad rap.
Choose to be the collaborative, supportive group of admins and see what unfolds for you.
Are you ready to invest in yourself and hire an empowerment coach?
Check out the details here: https://peggyvasquez.net/coaching/
Speaking Calendar Update- Two Complimentary Invitations!
Complimentary Training and Coaching Session:
I’ve got some great news! My 2024 schedule includes one more virtual public event and you’re invited to attend!
Save the Date Announcement
Topic: How to Speak with Impact
Date: December 11, 2024
Time: 12:00-1:00pm PT
Cost: Complimentary!
Register here
Join Me for Coffee:
If you’re attending the Office Dynamics Conference, Elite Certification, or APC, I’d love to meet you for coffee or a beverage of your choice! All you have to do is email me to make the arrangements.
Free Resources- The Empowerment Library
Mean Girl No More Social Media Book Series.
Connect with me on LinkedIn for weekly chapter highlights, including videos and tips to help you on your journey professionally and personally.
Check Out The Empowerment Shop
Have you visited the Empowerment Shop? It’s filled with free worksheets and great tools for your professional and personal life.
If you’re looking for help to move forward, this is the empowerment you need.
Join me for the Mean Girl No More Book Series. Each week you’ll get actionable tips, videos and inspiration to help you in your personal and professional life. Chapter One began on 9/10/24.
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Let’s connect- I’d love to hear from you!
Thank you for being part of this community. We can create workplaces where women lift each other up, celebrate each other’s successes, and thrive. Let’s continue to support and empower one another every day.
As always, Friend I love hearing from you! Please don’t hesitate to reply to this email or contact me on social media. Let’s keep the conversation going about how we can continue to grow personally and professionally.
Wishing you focus and success,
Peggy
